Well, I've done it again.. Lost another relationship.. time for reflection..
This is what I ALWAYS do when I've killed another relationship..REFLECT....This time..what? What did I do? What was the defining moment when "He" realized he couldn't, wouldn't, or did not want to be "with" me? I ALWAYS blame myself when these types of things happen. It's a fault, I know.. I can hear someone saying now, "why is it your fault?"..
I don't know. Cause maybe I'm difficult to be with. I must be, because every relationship I've ever had has ended with the guy running, screaming to be with someone else.. Don't get me wrong, I was married and left that relationship of my own accord. (nunyabuznesswhy) I've dated some great guys, but mostly, I think the majority of the guys I've dated were just losers. LOSERS, who couldn't get their life together and resented the fact that I was ALWAYS so decisive about what I wanted to do.
I'm the kind of person who ponders all the options I have, maybe for to long according to some, but ponder just the same. Then I make a decision and stick with that.. I seldom change my mind mid stream..I give myself 100% to whatever decision I've made. I don't like half way. I like 100%. So suffice it to say, that sometimes people find me intimidating, not soft or pliable, as one guy told me. "You're just not pliable enough for my taste, but your fun though". OK! I'm fun though..Whatever.
So, when this current relationship begin to fail, I started the self reflections early. Because I kinda knew it was over, but he just needed time to find someone else.. Or something along those lines.. You know, whatever the prevailing lie is this time.. Find him self, take care of his self, be his self, "WHATEVER THE FUCK"..Do that...PULLLLLLEEEEEEEEZA.. just do it. I'm done reflecting early this time..
I've already shed the proverbial tear and did my ritualistic release of the relationship.. Now you just dragging this shit out for your own well being.. YOU ARE NOT TAKING CARE OF ANYONE BUT YOU AND PROBABLY SOME HOE ASS BITCH THAT YOU'VE CONVINCED YOU WANNA GET TO KNOW HER BETTER.. LIES..all lies. Because, YOU ARE SCARED of your own shadow..YOU ARE NOT A MAN and you can't take care of anyone, cuz you shellfish as fuck.
Ok, wait a minute.. that is what I really want to say, but it's not true, well not 100% true. That statement would be the ABW (angry black woman) response. That's what everyone expects. But I'm not angry, just tired, chronically disappointed and full of resentment for people, MEN, who claim they want to love me with no intention of loving me..I would prefer you save that bullshit for the other females in your life who fall for that girly ass shit and leave me the fuck alone...PULLLLLEEEEEEEEZA.. just leave me alone..
I have reflected enough to know that I AM DIFFICULT to be with..
You got to really be a FULL MAN to understand not every outburst I make is about you, or personal.
You have got to have your game tight to know that my game does not diminish yours.
You have got to be on point with your shit, own something nigga, that way you ain't using up all mines, and stop tryna convince me you the shit when you ain't.
GET IT TOGETHER..
So, like I said, I'm done reflecting early this time. With NO INTENTION of re-reflecting on this shit. Not at all. Not at all.
I've moved on to a different place.
I am giving all my loving to me.......let that sink in for a minute. Giving all my loving to me...yeah...Well, I've decided to become my own boyfriend..because I love me more than anyone else ever could(except my momma)..THIS is a revelation. It really is. I've never thought of that novel idea before. Being my own boyfriend.. Giving myself all the love and caring I've reserved for worthless ass others who are, well, unworthy of my time. I won't make that mistake again in this lifetime. THIS IS Unfortunate for me, it probably means I will spent the rest of my days alone, by my self and without the comfort of another human being to snuggle with. Hashtag Immamissthat..
But, well I got me, myself and I. Hopefully that will be enough and GOD..Lettuce pray..
This is what I ALWAYS do when I've killed another relationship..REFLECT....This time..what? What did I do? What was the defining moment when "He" realized he couldn't, wouldn't, or did not want to be "with" me? I ALWAYS blame myself when these types of things happen. It's a fault, I know.. I can hear someone saying now, "why is it your fault?"..
I don't know. Cause maybe I'm difficult to be with. I must be, because every relationship I've ever had has ended with the guy running, screaming to be with someone else.. Don't get me wrong, I was married and left that relationship of my own accord. (nunyabuznesswhy) I've dated some great guys, but mostly, I think the majority of the guys I've dated were just losers. LOSERS, who couldn't get their life together and resented the fact that I was ALWAYS so decisive about what I wanted to do.
I'm the kind of person who ponders all the options I have, maybe for to long according to some, but ponder just the same. Then I make a decision and stick with that.. I seldom change my mind mid stream..I give myself 100% to whatever decision I've made. I don't like half way. I like 100%. So suffice it to say, that sometimes people find me intimidating, not soft or pliable, as one guy told me. "You're just not pliable enough for my taste, but your fun though". OK! I'm fun though..Whatever.
So, when this current relationship begin to fail, I started the self reflections early. Because I kinda knew it was over, but he just needed time to find someone else.. Or something along those lines.. You know, whatever the prevailing lie is this time.. Find him self, take care of his self, be his self, "WHATEVER THE FUCK"..Do that...PULLLLLLEEEEEEEEZA.. just do it. I'm done reflecting early this time..
I've already shed the proverbial tear and did my ritualistic release of the relationship.. Now you just dragging this shit out for your own well being.. YOU ARE NOT TAKING CARE OF ANYONE BUT YOU AND PROBABLY SOME HOE ASS BITCH THAT YOU'VE CONVINCED YOU WANNA GET TO KNOW HER BETTER.. LIES..all lies. Because, YOU ARE SCARED of your own shadow..YOU ARE NOT A MAN and you can't take care of anyone, cuz you shellfish as fuck.
Ok, wait a minute.. that is what I really want to say, but it's not true, well not 100% true. That statement would be the ABW (angry black woman) response. That's what everyone expects. But I'm not angry, just tired, chronically disappointed and full of resentment for people, MEN, who claim they want to love me with no intention of loving me..I would prefer you save that bullshit for the other females in your life who fall for that girly ass shit and leave me the fuck alone...PULLLLLEEEEEEEEZA.. just leave me alone..
I have reflected enough to know that I AM DIFFICULT to be with..
You got to really be a FULL MAN to understand not every outburst I make is about you, or personal.
You have got to have your game tight to know that my game does not diminish yours.
You have got to be on point with your shit, own something nigga, that way you ain't using up all mines, and stop tryna convince me you the shit when you ain't.
GET IT TOGETHER..
So, like I said, I'm done reflecting early this time. With NO INTENTION of re-reflecting on this shit. Not at all. Not at all.
I've moved on to a different place.
I am giving all my loving to me.......let that sink in for a minute. Giving all my loving to me...yeah...Well, I've decided to become my own boyfriend..because I love me more than anyone else ever could(except my momma)..THIS is a revelation. It really is. I've never thought of that novel idea before. Being my own boyfriend.. Giving myself all the love and caring I've reserved for worthless ass others who are, well, unworthy of my time. I won't make that mistake again in this lifetime. THIS IS Unfortunate for me, it probably means I will spent the rest of my days alone, by my self and without the comfort of another human being to snuggle with. Hashtag Immamissthat..
But, well I got me, myself and I. Hopefully that will be enough and GOD..Lettuce pray..
